|A photo at the back of the property.|
I took this a while ago - if you look closely you can see Ella.
Before that though, I just wanted to take the time to say thank you to everyone who has reached out and offered kind words, a shoulder to cry on, a story of their own tragic loss, and for seeing if I'm okay. I appreciate each and every one of you guys - I am slowly but surely pushing myself past the feelings of guilt and remorse. It hasn't been an easy feat, and the funny thing about grief is that it comes and goes in waves.
|Watching funny videos of Ella hurts, but it|
also makes me smile.
So I'm navigating a bit tricky territory - trying to balance myself as well as understand the emotions of others.
I do hope before long, the SO will come to realize just how truly and purely accidental this situation was and that there isn't always the opportunity to bubble-wrap those you love. Which it's not to say I didn't feel those powerful emotions, because not long after the situation transpired, I was motivated by the fire in my eyes to do everything I could to prevent anything like that from ever happening again. And it certainly included hanging up my bridles as well as not owning another dog past this.
|The most hilarious little dog ever.|
I have my head above water most days, and on the very good days I push my boundaries a little bit. So much so that I managed to clamber up onto Annie and head out for a low-key ride around the neighborhood. She must've known I was fragile still, as she was on her very best behavior. Small spooks yes, but moreso at the changing scenery (a children's playground is being erected now so things have changed on our route since we last rode). I was proud of her - I had done pretty much nothing with her for almost two weeks - and she came out very level headed and calm.
It was just the ride I needed.
We walked, trotted, and cantered briefly throughout the subdivision where the footing allowed it.
I haven't been on her back since that day, as monsoon season has abruptly arrived. With precipitation estimated in the 20-30mm range daily, it makes outdoor activities borderline impossible.
The chores at the horses are never-ending and although there are days I have admittedly avoided them and left them for a "better day", I have taken some happiness in returning to the routine. I am a creature of habit and even when I feel glum, it's important to get out and go do the things that need doing.
|Treats for the best baby bean who took|
such good care of me <3
We're slowly putting one foot in front of the other, and over the next few days I'll cover the blog posts I intended to write a few weeks ago.