Sunday, May 31, 2015

Fighting Failure from Sacrifice



I've been reflecting on the 2015 goals I set for myself in January and as scrolled down the list, I came to find that I couldn't be any further from reaching them. Something about having a large list with no items crossed off sends me into complete "failure" mode.

Half the year has already come and gone and yet, here I am, still at Square One.  Still at a stand-still, not making much impact or change.

It's been absolutely frustrating and disheartening to not use my horse's to their full advantage. It has saddened me mostly because Suzie is not getting any younger, and because I know life will only continue to get busier.

Lack of saddle time has been attributed to a multitude of things. For one, work has taken up a large portion of my life. I mean, I practically live there. Ten hours a day, for twenty days straight is enough to make anyone go crazy and even forget they are human.


Secondly, the property and home-stead are in the process of changing, and being molded. Without time spent at the property, how will a barn ever be built? So it's a Catch 22 in some instances - hang up the bridle to sacrifice time now for a barn and riding arena, or continue to pay board and not have my own amenities, but swing a leg up in the saddle as often as I can?

Thirdly, comes personal energy and responsibility. After a grueling ten hour shift I am completely exhausted and although a nice hack around the block would be an instant mood booster, I honestly have no desire to lug out a saddle and tack up. It sounds like I am not taking advantage of the opportunity when it is before me, but keep in mind that often times I have things like grocery shopping, vacuuming, laundry, etc to do as well. Grown up stuff. Stuff I hate.

Truth be told, I am blessed and I know it. I am lucky to own not just one, but two horses. I am lucky I have a job that continues to support my lifestyle, my needs, and my wants. I am in relatively good health (apart from being a bit... large) and have not only amazing parents and siblings, but a generous boyfriend as well. Complaining that I don't have time to ride my horse's sounds a bit prima donna-esque.

They say that with great sacrifice comes great reward - but why can't there be a middle ground?

6 comments:

  1. Think of it this way. What you're doing now will pay off in the end. Forget the list of goals. Things will come when they come and having a list will only put pressure on you to overextend yourself. Ride when you can and enjoy the horses even if you don't ride. Someday it will all work out the way you want but for now don't feel like a failure simply enjoy life.

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    1. I realize it will pay off in the end, but it seems like a lifetime away! It's hard to just "throw away" goals, but in reality, it isn't "throwing away"... it is adapting.

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  2. sorry you're feeling dispirited right now - it's so frustrating when the timelines we set for ourselves get blown out of the water. your horses both appear to be thriving tho, and the future holds so much potential for your property. my grandfather is fond of telling me to 'optimize not maximize.' i try to repeat that to myself whenever i'm really stressed out or pressured to 'do more.' good luck!

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    1. Thank you! I appreciate the kind words. Your Grandfather sounds like a very smart man.

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  3. Balancing everything you want to do and need to do is really tough sometimes. I definitely struggle with a range of emotions when things don't fall into place as I'd like so I completely understand where you're coming from!

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    1. It's so difficult to balance everything effectively! I'll try and do what I can, though.

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