Sunday, May 31, 2015
Fighting Failure from Sacrifice
I've been reflecting on the 2015 goals I set for myself in January and as scrolled down the list, I came to find that I couldn't be any further from reaching them. Something about having a large list with no items crossed off sends me into complete "failure" mode.
Half the year has already come and gone and yet, here I am, still at Square One. Still at a stand-still, not making much impact or change.
It's been absolutely frustrating and disheartening to not use my horse's to their full advantage. It has saddened me mostly because Suzie is not getting any younger, and because I know life will only continue to get busier.
Lack of saddle time has been attributed to a multitude of things. For one, work has taken up a large portion of my life. I mean, I practically live there. Ten hours a day, for twenty days straight is enough to make anyone go crazy and even forget they are human.
Secondly, the property and home-stead are in the process of changing, and being molded. Without time spent at the property, how will a barn ever be built? So it's a Catch 22 in some instances - hang up the bridle to sacrifice time now for a barn and riding arena, or continue to pay board and not have my own amenities, but swing a leg up in the saddle as often as I can?
Thirdly, comes personal energy and responsibility. After a grueling ten hour shift I am completely exhausted and although a nice hack around the block would be an instant mood booster, I honestly have no desire to lug out a saddle and tack up. It sounds like I am not taking advantage of the opportunity when it is before me, but keep in mind that often times I have things like grocery shopping, vacuuming, laundry, etc to do as well. Grown up stuff. Stuff I hate.
Truth be told, I am blessed and I know it. I am lucky to own not just one, but two horses. I am lucky I have a job that continues to support my lifestyle, my needs, and my wants. I am in relatively good health (apart from being a bit... large) and have not only amazing parents and siblings, but a generous boyfriend as well. Complaining that I don't have time to ride my horse's sounds a bit prima donna-esque.
They say that with great sacrifice comes great reward - but why can't there be a middle ground?